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If you still want me
Pairing: Jack/Kate
Rating: R (FSK 16)
Disclaimer: I still don't own Lost.
Chapter 1
Jack didn’t know how long he had sat there, holding the letter that turned his whole world upside down.
When he had gotten home from a date with Melissa he had found the letter in his mail box. It had been their third date. After Kate had gotten arrested Jack had hidden himself behind his work for nearly three years. His old friends and the other survivors had done their best to help Jack to relax and have some fun. Eventually he had resigned and agreed to meet the sister in law of his old friend Mark. He had promised Mark to give Melissa a chance. Jack had really liked the evening and had managed to forget his troubles for a few hours.
But when he read Kate’s letter it had felt like it had been yesterday, when Kate had told Jack to leave and live his own life.
Jack had found the best lawyer for Kate and after a spectacular trial she had been sentenced to five years in a jail in Iowa. Jack had taken the train to visit her the weekend after her first week in prison (he refused to take a plane ever again). Jack intended to see Kate each week on his free day. He sat down in front of the glass plate and took the phone.
“Hello Kate.”
“Jack, I don’t want you to come and see me again,” Kate had said before she had time to lose her courage. “You look exhausted, Jack. You probably had a hard week and instead of using the weekend to relax you drove to the station and spent the night on a certainly crowded train to come and see me. I don’t want you to do this every week. I don’t want you to spend your evenings sitting in your empty house missing me. I don’t want you to waste five years of your life on me, Jack. I’m not worth that. See, we aren’t even a couple and we've known each other only for a few months. You might fancy me right now, but you would see sooner or later that you don’t love me but the picture you had of me. You deserve better than to wait five years for nothing but a disappointment.”
Jack had argued with Kate. He had told her that he did know her and that he did love her and that she was worth the world to him. But Kate hadn’t changed her mind. After a few minutes she had just hang up the phone and left the room without a look back.
What Jack didn’t know was that Kate had broken down as soon as she was out of the door and spent the rest of the day crying.
Despite Kate’s words Jack had driven to Iowa again the next week, but Kate had refused to see him. All the letters he had sent to her came back unopened. The only letter he got from Kate contained nothing but a check. Kate had used some of the Oceanic compensation to pay the money back Jack had needed for her lawyer.
And now Jack was sitting on his couch, reading Kate’s letter again and again until he knew it by heart.
Dear Jack,
you probably didn’t expect to hear from me again after the way I acted towards you when we met last time. I’m sorry if I hurt you back then. It wasn’t my intention to do so. I care for you more than I have cared for anybody else during my whole life and I want nothing more than you to be happy.
I pushed you away, because I wanted you to live your life and to be happy, even though it meant I would lose you. I wished you a life with everything you deserve: a home, a wife who makes you happy everyday and children who will grow up to be as great persons as their father. If you have all this by know, I’m happy for you and I wish you all the best for your further life with your family.
But a part of me still thinks that there is a small chance that what we had back there meant more to you then the attraction two people who lean on each other in a difficult situation develop. And if you aren’t spoken for and you still have feelings for me, I want you to know that they are returned. I love you Jack. I felt something for you from the very first second and my feelings grew deeper with each day we spent together. And the three years we have been apart didn’t make my love for you any weaker.
I will be released on parole in three weeks. When I can leave prison I will take the first train to L.A. It will arrive at the station on April, 5th at 7.25 pm. I’ll understand, if you just want to go on with your life and put the past behind. But if you still love me and want to give us a chance, please meet me there.
I just have one plea, Jack: Please, don’t come to tell me you don’t want me anymore. I couldn’t bear that. When the train stops, I will look out of the window and if I don’t see you standing there, I won’t leave the train. I’ll just drive to the terminal stop and stay where this will lead me. Don’t worry about me. I will get along.
No matter how you decide, I will always love you.
Love,
Kate
Chapter 2
Kate had taken a cap to the station in Des Moines and was now on the train platform. She would only break her journey to change for another train. That way she could be in L.A tomorrow. Kate felt very nervous when she bought her ticket and entered the train. After being a fugitive for three years Kate wasn’t used to the thought that none of all the people around was after her. She was glad to find a relatively empty cabin.
After driving for the whole night and changing trains two times Kate finally stood in front of the train that would bring her to L.A and hopefully to Jack. This train would run from Carson City non-stop to L.A. Kate bought some biscuits for breakfast and entered the train. This train was quite crowded and Kate had to search a while before she found a seat in front of a nice looking middle aged woman. Her smile reminded Kate of Rose, although she had no outward resemblance with her.
Kate smiled back briefly, but then looked out of the window losing herself in thoughts again. Would Jack really be waiting for her? After the way she had acted towards him no one could resent him, if he would never want to see Kate again. It had been three years since she last saw him. How likely was it that he man like Jack didn't have a wife or girlfriend after three years? And even if he wasn’t with someone, would Jack want to be together with Kate? They had been close on the island, but was Jack’s love for her strong enough to endure three years of separation? Looking out of the window, Kate saw her reflection in the glass. She was thinner than she had been on the island, her hair was dull and the sleepless night had caused dark shadows under her eyes.
“Don’t worry, you are beautiful. You just look a little tired and very worried.”
Kate, who had absentminded tried to straighten her hair, looked at the woman in front of her.
“I’m not going to interfere, just thought you could use a little cheering up.”
“Thank you. I don’t feel offended, I was just in thought and am not really used to company anymore. My name is Kate,” Kate introduced herself.
“Nice to meet you, Kate. I’m Alicia.”
“Do you really think I’m beautiful?” Kate asked.
“Absolutely. Am I assuming right that you’re worried about a man?” Alicia asked smiling.
“Is it that so obvious? Yes, it is about a man, a very special man. We haven’t seen each other for three years. I couldn’t be with him. I knew that I would be away for a long time and I kind of told him to find someone else. Three weeks ago I wrote him a letter explaining how I feel for him and asking him to meet me at the station in L.A, if he reciprocates my feelings.”
Kate didn’t know why she was so open with a woman she had just met, but she had something that made Kate feel comfortable around her.
“And now you are worried that he is with someone else,” Alicia replied understanding.
“Yes, I think so. He is such a great man; I’m sure there are a lot of women who would be thrilled to be with him.”
“And you don’t think he feels for you the same way you feel for him?”
“I know he did at that time, but three years are a long time. And I did my best to push him away. It would be natural for him to find a woman of whom he knows that she loves him back. And if Jack is in a committed relationship with someone else, he would never leave her, no matter how he feels for me. “
Kate and Alicia talked during the whole journey. Kate told Alicia more about Jack and Alicia talked about her daughter whom she was visiting. The time passed surprisingly fast and Kate was startled when she heard the announcement that they would reach L.A. in ten minutes. Kate did her best to straighten her hair and clothing, although Alicia kept telling her that she looked fine.
When the train reached the station Kate didn’t dare to look out of the window, afraid that Jack wasn’t there.
Chapter 3
“How does your Jack look like?” Alicia asked with a smile. “I can look for him and tell you, if he is there.”
“Thank you. Jack is in his late thirties, he is tall and slender, but not meager. He has dark brown hair that he wore very short when I last saw him. He has a very friendly looking face and loving brown eyes and he always frowns when he is nervous. And he is very handsome,” Kate added with a nervous smile.
“I think I see him over there. He looks really nervous and he is scanning the people who are leaving the train,” Alicia told Kate.
Finally Kate found the courage to look up. And there he was, exactly how Kate remembered him. He looked as nervous and excited as Kate felt.
“I have to go,” Kate told Alicia. “Thanks for everything.”
“Good luck,” Alicia wished.
Jack saw her the minute she got off the track. She looked nervous and exhausted, but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
They stood in front of each other for a few seconds, neither of them knowing what to say.
Eventually Jack broke the spell. “Kate,” he whispered and gently brushed a strand of hair out of her face.
Kate wasn’t able to speak, so she just threw herself in Jack’s arms.
Jack returned her embrace immediately and buried his face in Kate’s hair, smelling her familiar scent.
When Kate finally looked up she had tears of joy in her eyes.
“You’re really here,” she whispered amazed. “I was so afraid that you have someone else and that I would never see you again.”
Jack gently wiped Kate’s tears away. “I was seeing someone.”
Kate looked at Jack worriedly. She had pleaded him not to come if he just wanted to say goodbye to her. Had he done it anyways?
Sensing Kate’s discomfort Jack hurried to continue. “We only met three times. I called her the day I got your letter and told her I love someone else. She understood. I think she felt all the time that my heart wasn’t free. I’ve never stopped loving you. I missed you so badly, Kate.”
“I missed you, too, Jack. I longed to be with you night and day.”
Jack pulled Kate into a passionate kiss. The need for oxygen finally forced them to break the kiss, but Jack kept holding Kate close.
“You lost weight and you look a little pale,” Jack stated finally taking the time to look at her closely. “Did they treat you badly?” He asked full auf concern.
Kate smiled at his care. “They treated me right considering the circumstances. The food could have been better, but it wasn’t that bad. I just weren’t in the mood to eat a lot.”
Jack stroked Kate’s cheek gently. “It’s all over now. Let’s go home.” Jack said lovingly.
“Home?” Kate asked.
“I thought you would like to stay with me. I prepared the guest room for you. But of course you can stay wherever you want.”
“Of course I want to be with you. I just didn’t want to impose myself on you.” Kate told Jack.
“You're not imposing yourself on me. I want nothing more then to spend as much time as possible with you. I took my annual vacation. I have two months to spend time with you and do whatever you want,” Jack replied smiling.
“Whatever I want?” Kate grinned widely.
“Whatever you want,” Jack confirmed.
“Then let’s go home,” Kate said excitedly.
Jack stopped the car in front of his house and opened the car door for Kate.
“Wow!” Kate exclaimed. “This is your house?”
Jack chuckled. “You like it?”
“It’s amazing. I can’t wait to see how it looks inside.”
But when they entered the house Kate didn’t notice the architecture or the furniture.
She was stunned by the sight in front of her. There were small vases with red roses on each table or shelve and Jack had hung a large “Welcome home Kate” banner in the doorway which led to the living room.
“Jack,” Kate whispered with tears in her eyes, not knowing what to say.
Jack caressed Kate’s cheek softly when he spoke to her. “I love you more than anything and I don’t want to spend a single day without you anymore. I promise you that you will never miss anything ever again. Whatever you want all you have to do is to say it.”
“All I want is you, Jack,” Kate said through her happy tears.
Kate let the backpack fell to the floor and threw her arms around Jack’s neck pulling him as close as possible before they lost themselves in a long kiss again. The kiss grew more passionate with each second. Kate started caressing Jack all over and sighed when she felt his tongue enter her mouth. Kate soon felt something hard pressing against her pelvis and moaned at the sensation. Jack pulled away looking embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” he spluttered. “It’s just ... It’s been a while for me and you are so beautiful…”
Kate smiled. “There is nothing you have to apologize for. So you haven’t slept with this woman you told me about?”
Jack looked at her surprised. “No, of course not. I barely know her. I haven’t slept with anybody during these three years. It wouldn’t have been fair to the woman, because I would have thought of you for the whole time.” Jack shot Kate the loving gaze she loved so much. “Please excuse me for a minute. I think I need a cold shower.”
Kate grinned wickedly. “I think you need something completely different. We both do.”
Before the surprised Jack could say anything Kate kissed him again and started to caress him through his jeans causing him to moan into her mouth. Kate felt herself grow wet immediately. She was as horny as he was after three years in which she had had nothing but her fantasies of Jack. Kate unbuttoned his shirt as fast as she could without ripping it.
“Are you sure?” Jack managed to ask.
“I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life,” Kate replied and began unbuttoning his shirt. She started gently running her hands over Jack's bare chest and let her hands wander further south until they had reached the bulge in Jack's jeans. Jack moaned and his lips met Kate's mouth in another passionate kiss. He let go of her mouth only long enough to free her of her shirt.
Jack hurried to remove Kate’s bra during another kiss. He needed to touch her right now. When the bothering piece of fabric was gone, Jack let his fingers stroke Kate’s already hardened nibbles causing her to gasp.
Kate unbuttoned Jack's jeans and let her hand slip inside his boxers. “God, Kate,” Jack moaned when Kate stroked him with exactly the right pace. When he thought he couldn’t stand it any longer he lifted Kate up and carried her into the living room where he gently laid her down on the coach. Jack stepped out of his jeans and boxers and set down next to Kate, taking her jeans and panties off in one swift motion.
Now that they were both completely naked Jack sat down between Kate’s legs kissing her hungrily. Kate felt Jack’s hardness press against her entrance. God, she would lose her mind if she wouldn’t feel him inside of her soon. “Jack, I need you so badly,” Kate pleaded.
Jack smiled, but to Kate’s surprise he didn’t enter her but started trailing kisses all over her body until he reached the area that was aching for his touch. Jack knew Kate wanted to feel him inside of her, but he was so aroused that he didn’t know how long he would last when he would finally feel Kate surrounding him and he didn’t want to come before he could give Kate pleasure.
Jack placed butterfly kisses on Kate’s folds increasing her state of arousal even more. Jack’s lips and tongue moved to Kate’s clit sucking and licking until Kate screamed out in ecstasy. “Oh god, Jack, don’t stop.”
Kate was panting and digging her nails into the cushions beneath her needing something to cling to when she came harder then she had ever before. Jack was holding Kate in his arms and kissing her temple while she came down from her height.
“That was incredible,” Kate sighed and met Jacks loving gaze. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, Kate,” Jack whispered and placed a tender kiss on her lips. The kiss soon grew more passionate and Jack’s hands started exploring Kate’s naked body. Jack tenderly caressed Kate between her legs knowing exactly how to touch her to drive her completely crazy.
“Jack, I want you inside of me,” Kate moaned. Jack couldn’t stand it anymore. Hearing Kate’s cries of ecstasy had turned him on even more. Jack needed all his self-control to enter Kate slowly and give her time to adjust. God, she felt so good. Jack started moving in a slow and gentle pace. Kate caressed Jack’s neck and shoulders when she felt him move inside of her.
“Feels so good,” Kate moaned into Jack’s ear kneading his shoulders. Kate’s moaning was driving Jack crazy and he felt that he wasn’t far from loosing what was left of his self control. Sensing his tension Kate whispered “Its okay, Jack, let go. Love me harder.”
Jack wasn’t able to restrain himself any longer. He moved in and out of Kate hard and fast. "Oh yes, like that," Kate moaned and a moment later Jack felt her walls contract around him when Kate reached her second climax, screaming his name. That was his undoing. A moment later Jack came so hard that he was seeing stars.
Exhausted, but very satisfied, Jack lay down half next to Kate, half on top of her and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was looking at Kate whos eyes were still closed. Her face was flushed and she was panting.
Jack started to feel concern and guilt. Had he been too rough? “Kate?” Jack asked gently. She opened her eyes and smiled at Jack. “Did I hurt you, love?” Jack asked worriedly.
Kate looked surprised. “Hurt me? God, no. It has never been that good for me. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been before,” Kate said cuddling against him.
Jack took Kate into his arms and kissed her forehead.
“Me too. I will never let you go, love.”
They lay like that for a long time, feeling safe and warm in each others arms. And they knew that they would never want to be anywhere else for the rest of their lives.
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