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Wake up to reality
Pairing: House/Cameron
Rating: NC-17 (FSK 18)
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own House M.D.
A/N: Thanks a lot to my wonderful beta karaokegal, who did a great job, although lazy my waited far too long with sending her the story.
Your ficathon recipient will be crazyace86. Her requests are:
Three things I'd like to see in my story:
1. Hot summer nights, any mention at all. Doesn't have to be word-for-word; can be just hinted at.
2. A scene in a bar.
3. The phrase, "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." (It's by Mae West, you can mention that or not.)
Three things I don't want anywhere near my story:
1. BDSM. I like it, I do, but I've read too many stories with it now.
2. Chase-wumping. I actually like the guy, and I'm getting tired of him getting treated like crap. Feel free to not have him at all, that's fine.
3. Whiny! Cam. Bitchy! Cam is just fine, but no whining.
Your secret line is: Three rubber ducks stared back at him.
Wake up to reality
Part 1
I lay in my bed completely frustrated. The clock on the nightstand showed 1.30 AM. I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep, because of this damn heat. We had a particularly tough case, which made House happy. For the rest of us it was just more work. The tension between me and Chase hadn't made the week easierand House taking up permanent residence in my head didn't help either. I still couldn't figure him out.
When I kissed him and he responded, I thought that I must have been right all the time; he really felt something for me.
I decided to provoke him by goading Chase into having sex in the sleep lab, hoping House would come to see how our patient was doing. He didn't show up, so I tried again with a little fun in the janitor’s closet. House came in and caught us. Great! Unfortunately he didn't seem to care at all. Damn!
Just when I started losing hope, House went to Cuddy and told her about Chase and me. When I confronted House he casually said he wanted to get one of us fired. I know it's House and you can't take everything he says seriously. But maybe he was in fact jealous. Telling Foreman I was working my way through all of my male co-workers was nasty, even for House. Nasty with a hint of jealousy. And House did ask me if I love Chase. Sure, he posed the question as if it meant nothing. On the other hand you had to consider that it was House. He always used sarcasm to hide his real feelings.Stop it. I told myself. I am over him, I've moved on.
But why were my thoughts constantly drifting to him now? And why couldn't I be happy with another man? I tried, I really did, but each time I dated somebody I caught myself comparing him to House, so I decided to skip the dating part and go for uncomplicated sex.
It didn't make me feel good and free, I just ended up feeling lonelier than before and I felt guilty for hurting somebody who had always been a friend to me. I used Chase and then pushed him away.
I’d acted like House. The thought terrified me. He was indeed rubbing off on me and not in a good way.
I sighed. I hated not being able to sleep. It just made me realize how frustrated I was with my life. How did I manage to screw things up so badly? I had tried to get what I'd wanted since I first met House and all I had achieved was a lost friendship, a hurt colleague, an angry boss and an empty bed.
Breaking up with Chase had been the right thing to do. There couldn't be a "happily ever after" for us. Not as long as I loved another man.
Unfortunately, my decision included a “no sex” clause.
The sex had been good enough that I missed it, even if it was nothing spectacular. It wasn't Chase’s fault that it hadn't been great. The only thing that was wrong with Chase was that he wasn't House. And I wanted House.
I decided to get up. It was too hot to sleep and brooding in bed made me crazy.
What I needed was a distraction. I got up and took a cool shower, because I was already sweaty from the night heat. Afterwards I chose a short summer skirt and a thin top to wear. I had no idea where I was going, I just needed to get out of my apartment.
I drove around aimlessly until I found myself near the hospital. Great! I'm trying to get my daily problems out of my mind and where do I end up? Without thinking I took exit that lead to the campus area. There was this new club I'd heard about. I hadn't been at a club for ages.
The neon sign announced the name of the bar as "Ducky's lounge". Strange name, I thought briefly.
My first impression of the interior was that "Ducky's lounge" wasn't the kind of bar I had expected near the university. One wall was fully occupied by a huge bar. The rest of the room consisted of several tables with two to four comfortable looking leather armchairs, far enough apart to give their occupants a feeling of privacy. The loudspeakers didn't play pop music but soft jazz.
Almost immediately, I started to relax.
I went over to the bar and ordered a scotch. I had intended to drink a beer, but decided on something stronger. I was already sitting alone in a jazz lounge at 2.30 on a Friday morning although I had to get up for work in less than five hours. It wouldn't make much of a difference if I drank scotch or apple juice I'd be beat anyway. For the second time in one night I sensed that House's attitude was rubbing off on me. I had just gotten comfortable on my chair with the drink in my hand, when I could have sworn I heard the characteristic sound of House's cane on the floor.
Great! Now I'm even hallucinating about him. I really need a shrink.
"If it isn’t Dr. Cameron in a bar, downing the hard stuff a few hours before she should be up for work. Looks like I'm rubbing off on you."
I turned around and saw Greg House standing behind me, wearing jeans, a black t-shirt and his typical smirk. I didn't know if I should feel relieved that I wasn't hallucinating or irritated, because I couldn't even escape House in my rare time away from hospital. I opted for the latter.
"I couldn't sleep." I answered defensively realizing he expected a reply to his "greeting".
"Really? Then Chase's bedroom skills are definitely lacking."
"Chase and I are none of your business."
"You went out of your way to make it my business." House insisted before sitting down next to me.
"I'm not asking you what that's supposed to mean, because I'm not willing to discuss my love life with you." I told him, not trying to keep the anger out of my voice.
"I think you know exactly what I mean." He wore the smirk again that always made me furious.
"How's your drink?" House changed the subject suddenly.
"Strong." After a short moment of silence I asked "Do you come here a lot?"
"Sometimes. They don’t skimp on the booze. I like the music, it’s near the hospital and my place and there are pleasantly few annoying college brats."
I smiled. These reasons were exactly what I'd expect from House. And so was the club, I thought. It was kind of dark, but in an appealing way.
"And what's your excuse? Too hot to sleep, I get that, but that doesn't explain why you turned up here."
I hesitated. House’s sudden change from inquisition to light conversation, the kind he had once insisted he didn’t make, made me suspicious.
"It's a hot night, I've heard about the new club, I came here. End of the story." If he wanted me to give him anything beyond the simple facts he would have to show that he actually gave a damn about me.
"Strange choice of location for a hot young woman searching for a little fun." House answered making the fun part sound dirty.
Of course. It wouldn't be House if he wouldn't start to quiz or tease me. Apparently, he was in the mood for both, not that it was a very subtle interogation.His tactic was far too obvious; trying to weaken my defenses with light chat until he could piss me off, hoping I would give away more than intended.
He obviously didn't realized that I knew him well enough to see through his tactics by now. And I wouldn't fall for it anymore. There was a chance I could use the fact that he was still saw me as a naive girl to my advantage.
"Please, House. I'm just too tired for this. Do me a favor and stop trying to get on my nerves just this once. You can go back to being an ass tomorrow, ok?"
I saw it working. He thought he had me where he wanted me: exhausted, vulnerable and stupid enough to think he would actually respect my wish.
"Ok" he agreed. "Why don't we agree to an interim truce, sit down at one of the lounges and enjoy our drinks."
I gave him a half-smile instead of the triumphant grin I felt inside. That was going fairly well.
"I like the music." I said casually after House and I had gotten comfortable at one of the tables. "I've never been into jazz, but I think I could get used to it. It’s calming." I had to be careful. House seemed to underestimate me, but that didn't mean he wouldn't block immediately if I started to talk about feelings openly. So I tried to start a discussion about a harmless topic, which I knew meant something to House.
"So now you’re interested in jazz? Are you still trying to convince me that you're not too young for me?" he answered raising an eyebrow.
"What makes you think I'm still interested? I thought I made it pretty clear that I'm done with you."
House grinned. "You never started with me, to be precise."
"And whose fault would that be? Are you regretting that you missed your chance?”
"I don’t think that offer has an expiration date,” House said seriously.
"That's where you're wrong, House. You can't have me anymore. There was a time when I believed there was more to you than the selfish bastard you chose to be. I was wrong. You'll always be too much of a coward to take a risk and let somebody in. And that's why you'll always be alone." I sounded bitter but I didn't care anymore.
Did he really look sad for a moment or was I just imagining things?
"There are worse things than staying alone." House answered. I studied his face, but I couldn't identify his expression.
"Like being abandoned?" Screw careful! It's not like I could make things any worse.
"Like making a fool of yourself by thinking a relationship would actually work just because you want it to and ending up hating yourself and the other person."
I wondered if he was speaking about me and him or about him and Stacy.
"There are no guarantees. That's not how it works. Two people who are young, full of life, good looking and physically and emotionally healthy don't make a dream couple inevitable. And two people who seem to have nothing in common can be happy with each other against all odds. If you never try you'll never know."
"I assume you are talking about 'us'." He emphasized the last word in a way that made sound it almost comical.
"Would it make any difference if I were?"
"I think it would make a difference to your 'boyfriend'."
"There is no boyfriend. I broke up with Chase."
"Why?"
"Because I know how it feels to get your hopes up that the one person you want will return your feelings someday."
"Didn't you say you were over me and ready to move on?" House asked snidely.
"No. I said you couldn't have me and that's the truth. I'm tired of trying to get into the heart of a man who doesn't give a damn about me."
I looked up at House, but still couldn't make out what he was thinking.
"I have to go. I want to get a couple of hours sleep before I have to leave for work. Goodnight House."
I stood up and turned to leave. I was angry with myself. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to practically tell him that I still loved him? I would be easy to blame it on my exhaustion or on the alcohol I had consumed but that was a lie. My feelings for him were still as strong as in the beginning and no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to hide them for long.
"Wait!" House called after me.
"Why?" I asked quietly without turning around.
I heard House standing up and walking in my direction. When he spoke he was near enough that I could feel his breath in my neck. Feeling him so near was intoxicating.
"You're wrong when you say I don't give a damn about you."
I turned around and looked up at House. I stood now face to face with him, so close that our lips were nearly touching.
"That's not enough, House."
"What do you want from me, Cameron?"
The look on his face had an element of pleading. It was almost enough for me to give in and give him everything he wanted.
"I don't expect love-letters, roses or candle-light dinners. That's not you and I respect that. All I want is a sign that you care about me."
With that I turned around and left before I could change my mind.
Part 2
When I woke up it was past 10 AM. I vaguely remembered turning off the alarm clock when I came home. I would be late even by my lax standards, but I didn't care.
It had been an educational morning. Obviously I had been correct in thinking that Cameron still felt something for me. I would never admit it if anyone asked me, but seeing her with the Chase had pissed me off. It made me think I’d really lost her for good and that had bothered me a lot more than I liked.
Cameron's words echoed in my mind. 'A sign that you care about me.' Wilson always bought a present when he wanted to smooth things over with one of his wives or girlfriends. I doubted that flowers, candies, perfume or jewelry was what Cameron had in mind. Maybe I could leave for an expanded lunch-break after dealing with 2 or 3 clinic patients and look for a suitable gift.
Right when I walked into the hospital I knew that my shopping spree would have to wait until quitting time. Cuddy spotted me on my way to the clinic and insisted that I catch up on the clinic hours I had missed in the morning. It was definitely not going to be one of the best days in my life. It had started with pissed of Cameron, continued with pissed of Cuddy and if I didn't find something that qualified as "a sign that I care about her' it would end with pissed of Cameron, too.
After Cuddy decide to let me out on probation, I left the hospital and drove to the closest mall, having no clue what I was searching for. I meandered through the cosmetics section of Macy’s, ducking friendly women with scented sprays, and feeling every minute of clinic duty in my leg, before I decided to have a look at a bookstore.
My attempt at a speedy maneuver, was impeded by a major roadblock in front of Toys ‘R’ Us involving a frazzled mother and a pair of screaming children. There was always the possibility of treating myself to a new video game, until the current drama played itself out, because otherwise I’d be facing assault charges for introducing the children and possibly their mother to my newest cane. The arrangement of the store led me to
a shelf containing bathing equipment. Three rubber ducks stared up at me and video games were quickly forgotten.
I paid for the ducks and arranged that they would be delivered to Cameron tomorrow along with a note: Let's try the date thing again. Meet me at 8 PM. There was no need to mention a location.
Exactly at 8 PM on Saturday I saw Cameron entering "Ducky's Lounge". I sat in the secluded booth I had reserved and took in her appearance. Cameron was dressed in a short, form-fitting black dress. She wore her hair down and had accented her lips with dark-red lip-gloss. The effect was spectacular.
I went over to greet her.
"I see you got my invitation."
She nodded. "It was definitely original." she answered with a smile.
"You might like the rest of the evening, too." I answered I led her to our table and waited for her to order a drink, before I stood up again.
"Where are you going?" Cameron asked, looking confused.
I smirked. "You'll see."
Then I went to the small stage in the corner of the bar and sat down at the piano. The music from the stereo stopped, per arrangement with the manager. I didn't look at Cameron before I started to play. It was up to her to decide if I was showing her I cared enough.
Ive got you under my skin
Ive got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that youre really a part of me
Ive got you under my skin
Ive tried so not to give in
Ive said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That Ive got you under my skin
Id sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear
Dont you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
cause Ive got you under my skin
Afterwards I remained sitting on the piano bench for a moment, not ready to face Cameron yet. I hoped she understood and didn’t push me to further explain my feelings. I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t say to her face what I had just explained by the means of Cole Porter’s music and words.
I sensed Cameron standing beside me. I had been too deep in thought to notice her coming over. She smiled and reached out for my hand. I took her outstretched hand and let her pull me up. When we were standing in front of each other I noticed the tears in Cameron’s eyes. Without a word she put her arms around my neck and kissed me.
I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed the feeling of her lips on mine. The kiss began slowly, almost tentatively, but she started to let her tongue wander and I took he hint.
It didn’t take long before Cameron’s mouth wasn’t the only thing I was exploring. I traced the curves of her body, beginning with her hips and back, but soon heard Cameron moan and felt her pressing against me.
My fingers started skirting the edges of her breasts.
“We should move this to another place if we don’t want to get arrested for indecent behavior.” I suggested urgently.
“Your place or mine?” Cameron asked grinning.
“Mine’s closer.”
It was probably just as well we used our own cars. I don’t think I could have managed having her so close and not being able to touch her and the last thing I needed was any stops for erratic driving.
I had barely closed the door behind us when Cameron threw her arms around me and started kissing me again.
I pulled her towards me, enjoying the feeling of her firm body pressed against me and kissed her back. I remembered her earlier reactions and began lightly caressing her breasts through the fabric of her dress. She gasped and started unbuttoning my shirt without breaking the kiss showing more dexterity than I would have had under the circumstances. When we stopped the kiss to take a breath I looked at Cameron and grinned.
“Someone seems to be very eager to get me naked.”
“I’ve been eager to get you naked for three years now, so shut up and take of the damn shirt.”
“Yes, Ma’am!” I answered, complying with her demand.
I had just thrown it to the floor when Cameron took my hand and pulled me towards the bedroom. She tried not to pull too forcefully, but it was still difficult for me to keep up with her. What does this woman want with a crippled bastard like me? I wondered again.
Cameron was either oblivious to my thoughts or she chose to ignore my doubts. “Sit down on the bed.” she ordered.
“Who are you and what have you done to good Dr. Allison Cameron?” I asked pleasantly surprised.
"When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." Cameron answered smiling mischievously.
Cameron started a slow, taunting striptease. After torturing me with the removal of her shoes and stockings, she reached under her dress and removed her panties.The thought of her suddenly bare under her dress was an immense turn-on and I could feel my body responding to the show. Cameron pushed up her dress just far enough for me to completely take in her legs. To my surprise, she came closer and sat down in my lap shifting her weight so she wouldn’t hurt my bad leg. She started massaging my semi-erection through the fabric of my pants causing me to harden further.
“God, Cameron, where did you learn to be such a tease?” I didn’t really know if I was complaining or complementing her.
She just grinned mysteriously and pushed me onto the mattress. Then she started removing my pants. I felt awkward for a moment, knowing that she would see the scar on my thigh. Cameron didn’t seem to mind. She caressed my legs, not avoiding the scar but not giving it special attention either. She seemed far more interested in what was underneath my boxers. Smiling like a kid unwrapping a Christmas present Cameron slowly removed my last piece of clothing.
Obviously pleased with what she saw Cameron started massaging my erection. I heard myself responding to her touches by moaning her name. I caught a hint of a lewd grin as she started gently kneading my balls which caused me to jerk. Had I ever really though she was innocent?
She bent down to gently circle the tip of my erection with her tongue, while her fingers were kneading the base of my cock.
When I was about to go crazy, Cameron took mercy with me. She started sucking hard while increasing the pressure of her fingers. I knew I was on the brink and I should probably tell her to stop but I was far beyond the point were I could produced any sounds but moaning. Cameron must have sensed that I was close. She stopped just in time, so abrubtly I growled in frustration.
“I’m going to make you pay for that.” I announced and sat up.
Ignoring the jolt of pain I felt in my leg, I pulled Cameron towards me and removed her dress in one swift motion.
She didn’t wear a bra, so she was now sitting in my lap completely naked.
“I’m looking forward to it.” She replied with a naughty grin and tried to push me into a lying position again. I didn’t let her. Instead I pulled her legs around me and kept us both in a sitting position. I moved one hand to her center while steadying her with the other one.
I pushed in, quickly. Cameron gasped in surprise, before gripping my shoulders tightly and groaning her pleasure in my ear.
She had herself braced for another thrust, but I held back. Instead I moved my hand down to her folds, teasing her. Payback is a bitch.
“You liked that, didn’t you?” Cameron nodded breathlessly. “You’d like me to do that again, wouldn’t you?” Another nod.
I kept still, but continued stroking her, carefully avoiding her swollen clit while keeping Cameron in place with my other arm wrapped around her waist.
“I could do that for hours you know. Keep you turned on like hell without letting you come.” I briefly stroked her clit and Cameron moaned pressing herself hard against my hand. But I withdrew my fingers again and continued stroking her enough to make her whimper with need.
It took all my willpower to not thrust into her senselessly, but it was worth it. I wanted to hear her beg.
“House, please. Please!” That was all the encouragement I needed. I moved in and out of her in a frenzied pace, her screams giving me all the direction I needed. Simultaneously I kneaded her clit with my thumb and index finger. Cameron whimpered and moaned my name each time I hit her in the right spot.
Cameron came hard screaming my name. Her voice and the feeling of her muscles tightening around my cock was enough to trigger my own release.
We lay on the bed, curled up in each others arms, too exhausted to move. I kept lying where I was lazily caressing Cameron’s back, wondering why the hell I had denied myself this blissful feeling for so long. I had finally told the warning voice that comes in the night to shut the hell up. I was ready to let her in.
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